Without You
by Blaze Lanigan
Summary: The stars gleam, the poets dream, the eagles fly, without you... [Based on Without You from RENT. Written early 2002]
1. Default Chapter

Without You  
  
Disclaimer: You all know who I don't own, so don't sue. This story was written during a healing period for me, hence the amount of angst and lack of happy bunnies frolicking through the lands. I did some research on the sicknesses in this story, so hopefully the events that take place are rather "plausible". Eh, either way, it's fiction, and a great way to deal with my own pain. Please keep that in mind if reviewing. Thank-you and have a Newsie-filled day!  
  
"We'll never forget 'im, never." Jack swore, his voice struggling to remain collected. The tattered red bandanna that once hung around his neck now was gripped in his hands, occasionally making its way to his cheeks to wipe away any unwanted tears. He was the leader of the group, and it was his duty to be strong, no matter what, the death of one of his own Newsies included.  
  
Autumn clutched Jack's free hand, her tears running down the path of her cheeks towards the cold ground. "He's right," she added. "We'll always have him in our hearts and our minds, ya know. He can never truly leave, and he never will." She used her sleeve to wipe the numerous tears from her red cheeks and curled her lips into a small smile. "He knew how much ya loved him. Remember dat."  
  
Her words fell on deaf ears. Not bothering to brush the blonde curls from her face, Blaze merely nodded solemnly, her blue eyes fixated on the newly shoveled grave in front of her. Tears had since ceased from falling down her face. All that was left of her sobbing was her blood-red eyes and tear-stained cheeks.  
  
"Why don't you walk back wid us?" Jack suggested. He turned to Autumn once there was no response and sighed.  
  
"We could get ya somethin' ta eat on da way back. and we all could use some rest," Autumn continued. When Blaze still refused to answer, she looked helplessly back at her boyfriend.  
  
"I know, we'll um, go talk to da others and tell 'em to go, and den we'll come back over here." Jack squeezed Autumn's hand and walked towards the small group of Newsies that were still lingering at the cemetery.  
  
"We can't leave her," Autumn whispered, her wavy, dark brown hair dancing in the wind.  
  
"We won't leave her. But she needs time to say goodbye right now, and ya know we won't get a response out of her unless we leave her be for a few minutes," Jack explained. He slid his arm around Autumn's shoulder and nodded to the ragged group huddled together in the cold.  
  
"Ya can all go back now. We'll be comin' back wid Blaze in a little while, but it'd be best ta leave her now." He nodded towards Spot, and the Brooklyn leader took over, herding the somber Newsies away from their friend's grave.  
  
Jack and Autumn gathered under a small tree and looked over towards Blaze. She had since fell to her knees in the freezing snow near the headstone and was doubled over, her arms clutching her stomach.  
  
Unable to watch, Jack turned back to Autumn and hugged her close, wishing fervently that he would never lose her like Blaze had lost her love.  
  
Her face buried in Jack's chest, Autumn cringed each time she heard Blaze sob louder. She clutched to Jack tighter, hoping she could get close enough to drown out the somber sounds of weeping. Jack stroked through her hair, his eyes brimming with the tears he had fought to hold back for hours.  
  
Jack watched Blaze continue to kneel on the frigid ground. If they didn't help her move, he knew she'd stay there all night. Gripping to Autumn's hand, Jack looked into her blue eyes and nodded, signaling it was time to help Blaze from the cemetery.  
  
Reluctantly the pair made their way towards Blaze, and Autumn lightly rested her hand on Blaze's shoulder.  
  
"It's gettin' late, and dark, Blaze. It won't be safe to walk back if we don't start now."  
  
Blaze didn't want to leave. She shook her head quickly, refusing to move.  
  
"You can come back tomorrow, in da mornin', when it's light out, but we gotta start walkin' back now," Jack explained.  
  
Sighing, Blaze hung her head, giving a slight nod. As Jack helped her from the ground, Blaze stared at the grave once more before turning her back to it, and walking away.  
  
Without you  
The ground thaws  
The rain falls  
The grass grows  
  
Blaze watched out the window as the first signs of winter turning into spring began to show. Rain was finally falling, and the snow was gradually melting away. It was about this time last year that Bumlets started feeling strange. He was sick more often than ever before, but neither Blaze nor Bumlets had thought it was all that serious. He had a few colds, and once in awhile he'd feel tired, but they thought nothing of it.  
  
A few months later in the summer, he started feeling feverish and Blaze began to worry. He was sick for a few days each month, and despite his determined outlook that it was just because the lodging house was so big and he was catching everyone else's colds, Blaze reasoned with him to see a doctor. Bumlets finally gave in to Blaze's wishes, only to receive news no one ever wants to hear. He wasn't just sick with colds, but had something much worse - something called tuberculosis.  
  
~~~~  
  
"Why us? Why is dis happening?!" Blaze cried. "Ya can't die on me!"  
  
Bumlets pulled her into his arms, speechless, his eyes wide, staring out across the bunkroom. What could he tell her? That he was going to beat it? The doctor gave him no chance. He could die in a month, a few months, a year at best, but he wasn't going to survive longer than that. He was already advancing into the second stages of the disease. If only he had done things differently; If only he had gone to a doctor before, when he had those annoying colds. Bumlets didn't have the means to pay for any sort of treatment, especially not a sanatorium.  
  
"No, it's not true. It can't be true," Blaze mumbled into his chest, her sobs making it hard to speak. "I won't let you go nowhere."  
  
"Ya heard what da doctor said. It is true," Bumlets muttered morbidly, regretting the words once they were uttered, for Blaze's sobbing merely increased. His emotions were swelling through him. He didn't know what to think. At one point he was angry, and at another he was upset and sad. He didn't want Blaze to cry. He didn't want to think about dying anymore. Bumlets wanted to forget it and go on living. but Blaze was crying in his arms, and he couldn't escape it. He needed her to be strong for him, even though he couldn't admit that.  
  
"Blaze, honey, it's okay," he whispered. Pulling away, Bumlets looked into her eyes. "Please, let's just think about somethin' else for awhile. It ain't like I'm goin' somewhere tomorrow. Let's just talk about somethin' else." Ignorance had helped him through those months of colds when he didn't know something was wrong, and it was going to help him now as well. It hadn't hit him yet, and he was counting on it taking awhile to register that he wasn't going to live that long.  
  
How could he not want to think about it? Blaze thought. How can he push dis aside? Rubbing the tears from her eyes, Blaze nodded. She let Bumlets pull her down on his bunk and curled up in his arms.  
  
"Won't Klopp get mad dat ya got a girl sleepin' in da boys' room?" she asked once the boys started to file in the room. They all seemed so quiet, which was unlike this group of Newsies. They knew what was going to happen to Bumlets, and no one knew what to say. Blaze caught some of them looking at her with sympathetic eyes and she looked away, unable to bare their glances.  
  
"I think he's gonna make an exception dis time," Bumlets answered, wishing that the reason he would overlook things was not because of his present situation.  
  
"Lights out!" Kloppman called, peeking his head in the room. He took notice of Blaze lying in Bumlets' arms, but made like he hadn't seen her. "Goodnight boys." With the lights extinguished, Kloppman closed the door and headed towards the girls' room to repeat his nightly routine.  
  
Blaze looked up into Bumlets' eyes. "Ya don't mind if I stay?"  
  
"A coise not. I want ya to stay." Bumlets began to sit up, since he was still fully clothed, and didn't like the idea of sleeping in his boots, but Blaze stopped him, reading his mind.  
  
"No, lemme get it." Sitting up, Blaze untied his shoes and set them underneath his bunk. As she unlaced her own boots, Blaze felt his arms crawl around her waist and once she was finished, Blaze leaned back, letting Bumlets pull her back down beside him.  
  
Tucking the blanket around them both, Bumlets hugged Blaze close, and sighed as Blaze rested her head on his chest. "Sleep tight sweetie."  
  
"G'night handsome," Blaze mumbled before closing her eyes.  
  
Unable to sleep, Bumlets listened to Blaze's breathing calm down and stroked through her hair. He squinted his eyes in the dark, taking in as much as the bunkroom as he could. How much longer would he fall asleep in this room? How much longer would he wake up to Kloppman yelling at him to get his lazy bum up? The news was starting to sink in, despite his wishes to be blind to it.  
  
As the tears rolled down his cheeks, Bumlets thought of his life here, what he would miss, and how life would go on without him. He couldn't force the idea of death into his head. At eighteen, who wanted to think of a horrible subject like that? Yet now, he was forced to, just like he had when his mother passed away.  
  
Bumlets understood why any talk of death was excruciatingly hard on Blaze. While he had lost his father before he was born, and his mother at six, Blaze had only lost her family a few years ago, and she had seen both her mother and brother murdered before her eyes, by her own father. Still, he wished she'd be strong for his sake, if for no other reason. He didn't know how to take the news. It was like he fell numb to it; he just didn't believe it was happening. Certainly he was ill sometimes, but so were other Newsies, so how could this be something much worse? He neglected the fact that he was fatigued much more than usual, he coughed more than usual, and that he felt feverish at times.  
  
Holding his girl close, Bumlets decided to try and get some rest. It wouldn't do him any good to dwell on his disease now. He still had time left, he could still accomplish some of his goals, and he would just have to remain as strong as possible.  
  
~~~~  
  
Her knees pulled to her chest, Blaze watched as the rain streamed down the lodging house window. She had wanted to visit Bumlets' grave today, but with the weather, the other girls forbade her to go. Sighing, Blaze looked longingly out the window, watching as the last bit of snow was washed away by the rain. 


	2. without you, the seeds root

Without you  
The seeds root  
The flowers bloom  
The children play  
  
Snatching some assorted flowers from a yard, Blaze hurried to Bumlets' grave. Spring was definitely upon the city now. Trees were starting to show their leaves again, flower gardens were popping up around the city, and children had long since shed their winter coats, the weather way above freezing now.  
  
Kneeling at his grave, Blaze placed the flowers by the headstone, then sat back on her heels. "I miss you, Bums. Dere ain't a day dat goes by dat I don't think about ya. Da Newsies are doin' alright. Jack and Autumn. dey's talkin' about gettin' married. Can ya believe dat? I thought dey'd never get hitched, but Jack finally decided it was time to give up bein' a Newsie, and find some other job. He don't know who is gonna be da next leader though. Nobody knows. He said it might take awhile before dey left, cause he's gotta find da right person foist ta take over."  
  
Sighing, Blaze sat down on the grass and stared at the headstone. "As for me. I'm. doin' okay. I know ya told me ta smile and all dat, but. it ain't exactly da easiest thing ta do. I'm eatin' though, like I promised, and if I don't da goils shove food down me throat anyhow. Everyone's startin' ta move on.but me, I don't wanna. I ain't never gonna forget you, or stop thinkin' about ya."  
  
In the distance Blaze heard the sounds of a baby crying and remembered the day she had approached Bumlets with an idea. She remembered that day so well - the day she finally had some sort of plan - some sort of way to go on after Bumlets left her. If she had his child, she'd be able to hold onto him in some other way. She'd have a reason to live, and someone to bring her joy when she thought about Bumlets and his memory.  
  
~~~~  
  
"I love you, Bumlets. I want dis. I want dis almost as much as I want you ta live. If yer not gonna survive, how am I gonna live? How am I gonna go throughout life widout you? I want to share dis wid ya. I want to tell yer child how great ya are. Dere's a million reasons why I want a baby. yer baby."  
  
"But Blaze. a baby? How are ya gonna take care of a baby? We can barely afford food for ourselves, let alone another person. I can't give you dat kind of responsibility. And what if you get sick, den how ya gonna have da baby?" He shook his head wearily, not willing to put such a burden upon her.  
  
Blaze took his hands in hers, her eyes focused on his. "I'll find a way. Others do it, so can I. I'd find any way possible just to look into dat kid's eyes and see you, see something dat reminded me of your face, or da way you smile, or dose gorgeous eyes of yers. Da doc said dat lots of people don't get sick even when bein' around someone wid what ya got. I have dat chance. I gotta take it. I'll have someone to love, to take care of, to raise, dat would be ours. I won't. I won't be alone."  
  
Bumlets saw how serious Blaze was, and how much she ached for this to happen. How could he turn her down? It wasn't like he didn't want to show her how much he loved her, and he had wanted to show that physically for some time, but he still was weary of giving her the added responsibility of a child. Could she honestly fend for herself and the baby once he was gone? What choice did he have? It could make her happy, but what if it made her even sadder? What if a child only reminded her of how much she missed him, and she took out that pain on their baby? But a child could be the reason she went on, and all he wanted was for her to smile again. There were so many what-ifs. Bumlets needed a plan of his own. He'd ask one of the girls that was closest to Blaze to promise him to watch her take care of that baby. It was the only way to make sure things didn't go the wrong way. How could he deny her the very thing that might help her survive?  
  
On the other hand, how could he go on, knowing that she was about to have his baby, and he wouldn't see the child grow up? Could he live the rest of his short life knowing that? Would it only increase the pain that he already held onto? He knew it would. There was no way around that pain. He'd be creating a life that he never would be able to see, for surely he wouldn't live another nine months, but which price was greater; his pain for the rest of his short-termed life, or the pain Blaze would carry throughout the rest of her own?  
  
Looking into her eyes, Bumlets knew his decision. "Alright. We can try," he nodded.  
  
Hugging him tightly, Blaze reached up and kissed his cheek. "I love you."  
  
"I love you too," he smiled, his cheeks burning at what they had just agreed on. All the sudden he felt his palms sweat and his voice momentarily decided to leave him.  
  
"So dis means we're gonna." he began, unable to pronounce anything remotely pertaining to what making a baby entailed.  
  
"Yeah." Blaze nodded slowly, her own cheeks flushed. Biting her lip, Blaze rested her head against his shoulder. She had thought the caring for a child part through thoroughly, but not the part where they actually made the baby.  
  
"I mean, only if yer ready to." she started.  
  
"I'm ready," Bumlets interjected and blushed, his answer coming quicker than he had wanted it to.  
  
"Lights out!" Kloppman called from the doorway. "Come on girls, back to your bunkroom."  
  
"We'll, we'll talk about it more tomorrow, okay?" Bumlets whispered.  
  
After hugging him tightly, Blaze kissed his cheek. "Okay. G'night."  
  
"Night sweetheart." Reluctantly, Bumlets watched her leave the room.  
  
~~~~  
  
"I promised da goils I'd be back in time for dinner. 'cause dey still say it's still too dangerous for me ta be out dis late in dis part of town," Blaze frowned. "So I guess I better be goin' before dey send out a search party like last time."  
  
Slowly standing up, Blaze gave the ground one last long look. "I love you. Nothin's ever gonna change dat. People say dat it's supposed ta hurt less wid time, but I think it hurts more. I'll be back soon."  
  
Brushing the unwanted tears away from her eyes, Blaze started the journey back home. 


	3. the stars gleam, the poets dream

The stars gleam  
The poets dream  
The eagles fly  
Without you  
  
Blaze gazed at the stars from the lodging house roof and sighed. Watching them had since lost their appeal without Bumlets besides her, but she had promised him she'd still watch them, if only to remember him by. How she loved to sit with him on the roof, her back lying gently against his chest and his arms wrapped completely around her. Closing her eyes, she could almost feel him there with her, the memories still vividly clear.  
  
~~~~  
  
"So, it's a nice night out," Bumlets pointed out. "Ya can see lots of stars and all dat." Clearing his throat, Bumlets sat besides Blaze in a secluded corner and gazed upwards.  
  
"Yeah, lots of stars," Blaze repeated, fretting to hide her nervousness.  
  
"Blaze."  
  
"Bumlets, I."  
  
Having both spoken at the same time, the couple blushed, and Bumlets took her hands in his.  
  
"If yer not ready, we don't gotta. ya know. we can wait," he explained honestly.  
  
Blaze looked into his eyes, at this point not caring that her cheeks were bright red. "No, I don't wanna wait, dat is, if you don't wanna wait. den I'm ready."  
  
His fingers trailing down her cheek, Bumlets smiled. "I love you."  
  
"I love you too," Blaze whispered. She closed her eyes once Bumlets pressed his lips to hers, and melted into his arms.  
  
His hands roaming, Bumlets started to discard her shirt slowly, his body anxious and nervous at the same time. He gently lay Blaze against the tattered blanket they had brought with them, and covered her body with his.  
  
"Ya okay?" he whispered in between kisses.  
  
Blaze merely nodded and slipped her arms around him, pulling him closer, urging him to continue.  
  
~~  
  
Their breaths ragged after the heated encounter, Bumlets covered her face in small kisses. "Dat was." he fumbled over his words.  
  
"Pretty damn good?" Blaze interrupted.  
  
"Incredible woiks too," he grinned and held her close, doing his best not to reveal how out of breath he actually was.  
  
~~~~  
  
Standing up, Blaze walked past the secluded area of the roof where she had shared some of the best moments of her life with Bumlets and sighed. "Ya tried so hard ta hide dat makin' love, or runnin' around wid da boys, or climbin' da stairs made it awful hard ta breathe. I'll never forget dat," she muttered towards the sky. "Ya never wanted ta think about yer sickness, or show other people dat ya was sick. Nobody was braver den you."  
  
Wiping her eyes, Blaze started towards the fire escape. She could hear Kloppman yelling that it was time for lights out, and just made it back into the girls' room before the lights were dimmed. 


	4. the earth turns, the sun burns

The earth turns  
The sun burns  
But I die  
Without you  
  
Though she had stayed out of the sickroom since his death, Blaze finally stood outside the door, hesitating to enter. Inside she knew were several of his belongings that had been left for her to gather, but she never had the courage to enter the room, and forbade anyone else to retrieve the items for her.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Blaze turned the handle and crinkled her nose at the familiar dank smell of the sickroom. She peered in only to see everything in the same place she had left it.  
  
~~~~  
  
"Klopp said I gotta move in here now," Bumlets sighed. He gripped to a cream-colored handkerchief, something that went everywhere with him now since his coughing had become a part of his daily life.  
  
Blaze looked around the dank sickroom. "Well, you'll have yer own space," she pointed out. She slid her arms around him from behind. "And we'll have some privacy," she added.  
  
Turning around, Bumlets pulled her into his arms. "Yer gonna catch dis, by stayin' so close," he frowned.  
  
"Nonsense. Ya hoid what da doctor said. I could remain perfectly healthy, and since we know what it would be if I did get it, den dey can treat it earlier. I ain't stayin' away from you. I don't care if I get sick," she affirmed stubbornly. "Ya ain't gettin' rid of me."  
  
"Well, I don't wanna get rid of ya, so I guess ya ain't goin' nowhere," he managed to say before turning his head to cough.  
  
"Why don't I get yer stuff, and you can relax in dat nice big bed over dere?" Blaze suggested.  
  
"I hate restin'. I do dat all day," Bumlets pouted.  
  
Rolling her eyes, Blaze led him over to the bed. "Be a good boy and sit here until I get back. I swear, boys act like such babies when dey get sick," she teased.  
  
"We do not," Bumlets protested and crossed his arms.  
  
"Yer actin' like one right now," Blaze grinned before she left the room.  
  
~~~~  
  
Bumlets had wanted her to keep his hat, of course, and there were a few items his mother had handed down to him, that he wanted Blaze to have. A small, wooden box held his remaining belongings, and Blaze quickly walked over to the table to retrieve the box and his hat. Giving a quick look to the bed where Bumlets spent the last of his days, Blaze rushed out of the room, shutting the door behind her.  
  
Sitting down on the bench in the hallway, Blaze set the cap besides her and the box on her lap. She unlatched the front and pulled back the top, revealing a folded piece of paper. Raising a brow, Blaze couldn't remember that being in the box, and slowly unfolded it.  
  
Dear Gabrielle,  
  
Ya probably ain't sure what this letter is for, but I wrote down where me stuff is goin on the back even though we talked about it. I hope Skitts don't mind havin me stick. I know he was admiring it, even though he always said his was better! I know we went through all the things I owned, but I left out one thing that I wanted to surprise ya with. Look under the mattress of me old bunk. It should be there, unless Snipes got to it. If your reading this, then it must mean I broke my promise of staying around a lot longer. I'm sorry, sweetheart. Ya know you're the only one who could make me see that I wasn't just some fluffy, flop-haired boy. I always wanted ta be strong for you, I hope I didn't let you down. I loved you more den I could ever tell ya. Smile Gabi, I'll be lookin out for that smile of yours.  
  
Love forever and ever,  
Your Dominic  
  
Pressing the letter to her chest, Blaze looked down at the small box and sighed. She wondered just what he could possibly have left her in the boys' room, and quietly folded the letter before placing it back in the wooden box.  
  
With his hat and belongings held protectively in her hands, Blaze entered the boys' room and walked straight for Bumlets' bunk, ignoring the questioning looks on the few boys that occupied the room. Kneeling besides the mattress, she lifted it up, only to find a smaller, cranberry-colored box tucked safely in the frame of the bed.  
  
Blaze sat on the floor and carefully wedged the box from the frame. Searching her memory, she couldn't once remember seeing this box anywhere in the possessions he had shown her. What could possibly be in it? Staring at the top, Blaze wasn't sure she could open it without falling victim to crying again.  
  
She turned her head, only to see the boys in the room quickly look away. Sighing, Blaze climbed to her feet and hurried to leave the room. Knowing the girls would watch her as well in the other bunkroom, Blaze climbed out on the fire escape.  
  
Dangling her boots over the edge, Blaze looked up at the sky. "What could you have possibly put in dis box, huh?" she whispered. Fingering the lid, Blaze started to open it, then stopped. What if it just made her yearn for him even more? Shaking her head, Blaze hastily placed the small box inside the larger wooden one and fastened the lid.  
  
"I'll save it for a rainy day," she decided, unable to endure more pain right now. With the box and his hat in her hands, Blaze stood up and made her way to the girls' bunkroom. She placed his items on her nightstand and grabbed his walking stick from her bed before going in search of Skittery. 


	5. the breeze warms, the girl smiles

Without you  
The breeze warms  
The girl smiles  
The cloud moves  
  
Though most of the Newsies found solace outside during the warmer spring days, Blaze continued to hide inside the lodging house after she had completed selling. She sat by the window of the girls' room, eyes focused on the blue sky. She used to make Bumlets watch the clouds from the sickroom with her everyday. He'd chuckle at her attempt to declare that some were shaped like objects around the city, and participate when she asked him to.  
  
It didn't matter that his days were numbered or that at times he had trouble breathing and would have to stop talking when a rage of coughs overcame his lungs. He didn't focus on what would happen to him, but instead his life day by day. He wasn't dying as he saw it. Bumlets kept telling Blaze that he was just living faster than the rest of them - that they were just jealous because he was having twenty times the amount fun they would have each day, since his life was moving quicker.  
  
~~~~  
  
"Now what do ya think yer doin'?" Bumlets asked. He sat up from the bed, and watched Blaze prance around the room.  
  
"What's it look like? Yer a pig! I gotta clean up after ya!" she exclaimed with a smirk on her face. She went about dusting the small room, and tidying up the few items that lingered in her path. Once she reached the window, Blaze pushed it up, and smiled at the warm summer breeze.  
  
"It's a nice day out, ya should keep da window open," she instructed. "It ain't even dat humid for once."  
  
"Boy, if I knew ya was gonna act like dis when I was sick, I would have pretended ta be sick all da time, just for da special treatment," he grinned.  
  
Gasping, Blaze plopped down on the bed and poked his nose. "You would not," she replied confidently.  
  
"Would too," he answered and grabbed Blaze around the waist before pulling her towards him.  
  
Blaze slipped her hands through his hair and smiled. "If ya acted like dis all da time, especially wid da whinin' like a baby act, I would have dumped a bucket of water on ya and left ya to fend for yerself."  
  
"Well dat wouldn't be very nice," he pouted.  
  
"Neither would pretendin' ta be sick," she pointed out.  
  
Bumlets leaned towards her, placing kisses up her neck. "But you'd get ta take care of me, and listen ta me whine, and bring me food, and stay wid me all da time," he muttered against her skin.  
  
Closing her eyes, Blaze felt shivers run up her spine. "Well, I like da stayin' wid you part, but I'll pass on da rest," she whispered.  
  
Bumlets pulled back and looked into her eyes. "Maybe I can convince ya dat takin' care of me has its benefits," he smiled.  
  
Blaze raised a brow questioningly. "Oh?"  
  
Nodding, Bumlets kissed her nose. "But first, ya gotta do one thing for me."  
  
"What's dat?"  
  
Bumlets smirked and motioned towards the other side of the room. "Lock da door."  
  
~~  
  
Lying on her stomach, Blaze opened her eyes and looked towards the window. Ever since Blaze caught on that physical encounters exhausted him, she had made sure to nap for awhile with him afterwards, claiming that he just wore her out. Bumlets knew it was because he was the one worn out, but he played along with her, knowing he desperately needed the rest.  
  
"Bums, look at how fast dose clouds are movin' across da sky. Ya think a storm's comin' or somethin'?"  
  
"Could be, or dey got tired of ya tryin' ta figure out what dey look like, so dey're movin' real fast ta annoy ya," he chuckled.  
  
Blaze turned to him and stuck her tongue out, then returned to look out the window. "Very funny."  
  
"I thought so," he mused. Bumlets propped himself up on one elbow and pushed the thin sheet away from Blaze's back before he trailed his fingers over her bare skin.  
  
"Yer gonna make me fall asleep again," she mumbled, sighing contently. She loved his gentle touch, and she knew Bumlets was well aware of that. He could always calm her down or make her drowsy by slipping his hands through her hair, or tracing his fingers over her skin.  
  
"I might just take dat risk," he answered and continued his fingers on their path.  
  
Feeling her eyes start to close, Blaze turned on her side, facing him. "At least let me have me Bumlets pillow foist," she smiled and rested her head against his chest.  
  
Bumlets kissed her forehead. "I need ta start chargin' for me services," he teased and ran his hands over her back again, enjoying the feel of her body so close to his.  
  
~~~~  
  
"Blaze. hey Blaze." Autumn waved her hand in front of Blaze's face.  
  
"Huh?" Blinking several times, Blaze looked up to see Autumn standing by her chair.  
  
"It's time fer dinner. Ya wanna come ta Tibby's wid me and Jack?" she asked.  
  
"I. I ain't so hungry," Blaze answered, shaking her head.  
  
"Well, ain't so hungry and not hungry are two different things." Helping her out of the chair, Autumn led a quiet Blaze towards the door.  
  
I promised Bumlets I would make sure she ate, and dat's what I intend ta do, Autumn thought. She knew it seemed rough to make Blaze go out with her, but if she didn't eat, she'd turn even thinner than she had already managed to become. 


	6. the tides change, the ocean's crash

Without you  
The tides change  
The boys run  
The oceans crash  
  
"Blaze! Ya haven't been out of da lodgin' house for a good outin' in forever! You'se goin' wid us whether ya like it or not!"  
  
"But." Blaze protested. "I don't wanna go to Coney Island." Stubbornly, Blaze crossed her arms and sat on her bunk.  
  
Rolling her eyes, Luna took hold of Blaze's arms and gently pulled her off the bunk. "You are goin' wid us, and dat's final," she asserted.  
  
"I'd just be a pain! I'd whine and complain about sand in me toes. Just let me stay here, huh?" Blaze asked.  
  
Luna shook her head. "Nice try, but it ain't workin'. I don't care how much of a pain ya are, yer comin' wid us."  
  
Reluctantly, Blaze was led out of the bunkroom, down the stairs, and towards the awaiting wagon which would take the group to Coney Island.  
  
"Hey, Spot! Be of some use and help us up!" Luna bellowed.  
  
"Yes my love," Spot answered in a mocking tone before hoisting the girls up into the cart.  
  
Blaze situated herself in the corner and looked towards the ground. She didn't want to go to the beach for she knew it would remind her of an outing with Bumlets, but she also knew Luna would drag her kicking and screaming if she had to.  
  
"Blaze, it's gonna be fun. Ya remember fun, right?" Luna asked as she slid an arm around Blaze's shoulder. "We won't stay too long, but ya gotta get out more. Ya need some color in yer cheeks!"  
  
Shrugging, Blaze didn't really care about what her cheeks looked like, or having fun. She rested her head against Luna's shoulder for the remainder of the ride, unable to think about anything besides the memories that would surface for the rest of the day.  
  
~~~~  
  
"I can't believe ya actually arranged dis," Bumlets smiled.  
  
"Didn't think I could figure a way, huh?" Blaze grinned.  
  
"I just, didn't think I'd see Coney Island again," he explained, his eyes fixated on the crowds of people and the waves crashing in front of him.  
  
Blaze bent down and kissed his cheek. At the end of the summer, with the help of Jack, they'd secured a wagon to take them to Coney Island, and borrowed a wheelchair for the day so Bumlets wouldn't overexert himself.  
  
"So what do ya wanna do foist?" Jack asked.  
  
"Da beach a coise." Bumlets smiled in anticipation. "Good luck wheelin' dis thing through da sand though," he pointed out. "I could walk."  
  
"Oh no ya don't," Blaze interrupted. "Jack can wheel ya down, it'll work."  
  
"Or I can wheel ya," Spot added.  
  
"Yer too scrawny," Luna smirked.  
  
"Now listen here." Spot frowned, but as he saw Luna take off towards the ocean, he stopped mid-sentence and ran after her. "Come back!"  
  
Chuckling, Jack grasped the handles of the wheelchair and with Autumn at his side, and Blaze holding Bumlets' hand, he started pushing the chair through the sand. Though the process took them awhile, they finally caught up to Spot and Luna near the water and watched as Spot threw her into the ocean.  
  
"She's gonna dunk him for dat," Autumn laughed and sure enough, they saw the Brooklyn leader fall victim to a dunk by his girlfriend.  
  
They watched in silence as the couple in the water playfully fought, and finally Bumlets spoke up.  
  
"At least lemme sit down in da sand," Bumlets voiced, hoping his friends would oblige.  
  
Blaze looked towards Jack, who helped Bumlets out of the chair and onto the sand. "Well, while you and Blaze enjoy da view, me and Autumn are gonna take a short walk. Be back in a bit." He locked arms with Autumn and grinned down at the couple. "Be good, no sand fights."  
  
Rolling his eyes, Bumlets smiled back. "We'll try ta be good. for a little while." He turned back to Blaze and opened his arms.  
  
Fearing his back might hurt if they sat for too long, Blaze turned the wheelchair so he could rest against it without it moving, then sat between his legs, her back against his chest. She lifted her head up to look into his eyes and smiled as she felt his arms slide around her.  
  
"Yer too much," he whispered. "Thanks for bringin' me."  
  
Blaze kissed his chin and shrugged lightly. "I try, and yer welcome." She turned back to look at the waves crashing in front of them and sighed. Though she didn't want to think about it, Blaze could see some of the color leaving his cheeks, and his body slowly becoming thinner. She didn't know how much time he had left, and only wished to savor every waking minute she had with him.  
  
~~~~  
  
The scent of the ocean penetrating her senses, Blaze opened her eyes to see the wagon close to Coney Island. She looked around, watching the excited faces of the other Newsies, yet she didn't see a reason to smile.  
  
Taking her arm, Luna carefully helped Blaze to her feet and smiled. "Come on, it's about time Spot had another dunkin', even if da water is still a little cold."  
  
Nodding, Blaze followed behind the group as they walked down to the beach and sat alone in the sand. She watched them run around and push a few of the boys in the cold water, but she couldn't participate - it didn't feel right. She was supposed to be here with Bumlets, sitting in his arms, instead of alone in the sand.  
  
While they continued to horse around, Autumn plopped down besides Blaze and offered her shoulder to cry on, which Blaze accepted readily. At times the antics of the others caused a small smile to appear on Blaze's face, but tears remained in her eyes.  
  
"I'm glad ya came wid us," Autumn spoke up.  
  
Shrugging, Blaze wasn't so sure she was glad to be there, but Luna was right, it was nice to get out of the lodging house for a bit. "Thanks, Autumn," she mumbled.  
  
Smiling, Autumn leaned her head atop Blaze's, and the two watched as Luna went after Spot again. 


	7. the crowds roar, the days soar

The crowds roar  
The days soar  
The babies cry  
Without you  
  
"Dis spring is sure filled wid lots of rain," Blaze sighed as she sat by Bumlets' grave. "Da goils don't like me comin' by in da rain, sayin' I'll slip or somethin' on da street. I wish I could come more often."  
  
Blaze replaced the expired flowers near his headstone with a fresh bouquet, and sat back in the grass. "I wanna make it up to ya. Ya know, for not comin' by cause of all da rain lately. I don't think dey'll miss me much taday, so I can stay longer." She heard the sound of a baby crying for its mother, and placed a hand over her belly.  
  
~~~~  
  
Bursting into the sickroom, Blaze hurried to Bumlets' bed, and bit her lip when she realized she had woken him up.  
  
"Where's da fire, Blaze?" he asked groggily.  
  
Unable to speak, Blaze threw off her coat that barely helped to protect her in the December weather, and slipped under the covers, hugging him tightly.  
  
"Umph, Blaze, air. air is good," Bumlets uttered and took in a deep breath once Blaze finally let up. "Ya gonna tell me what's goin' on?"  
  
Blaze stared at him wide-eyed, lost for words. She opened her mouth, but nothing would come out.  
  
"Blaze?" he asked again.  
  
"I - I." she stuttered. "I mean, we're. we're."  
  
"Spit it out girl!" he exclaimed. "Ya've got me attention, dat's for sure."  
  
Trying to form the right words, Blaze nearly gave up, until finally one word made it past her lips. "Baby." It had been months since they had first tried to have a baby, and the couple had nearly given up. Now that it was finally a reality, Blaze was speechless.  
  
"Baby?" Bumlets hurried to ask. "Baby as in, our baby? Yer, yer pregnant!"  
  
Blaze nodded and this time Bumlets suffocated her in a hug. He merely let up to grab his handkerchief, coughs deciding to tear through him for a few moments. Blaze waited for his coughing to subside and looked up into his eyes.  
  
"I love you," she whispered.  
  
Bumlets kissed her forehead. "I love you too." He was filled with mixed emotions. Overjoyed that they had created a life, Bumlets still felt the pain that came along with knowing he'd never see what the child looked like. Holding her tight, Bumlets rested his chin atop her head and closed his eyes.  
  
"A little Blaze," he mumbled.  
  
"Or a little Bumlets," Blaze chipped in.  
  
The two fell silent; Blaze's mind reeling with the news still, and Bumlets' thoughts filled with the joy that he had succeeded in giving Blaze her wish, but also the anguish of wondering what the child might look and act like.  
  
Finally Blaze pulled back and looked into his eyes. "Are you really okay wid dis?" she asked, sensing his discomfort.  
  
Bumlets nodded sadly. "You'll make sure da baby knows what a handsome stud I am, right?" he teased lightly, feeling tears brim in his eyes.  
  
Tears already slipping down her cheeks, Blaze ran her fingers down his jaw line. "A coise I'll tell da baby dat. And dat. dat his father did one of da most unselfish things ever for his girl. And dat she never thought anyone could love her dat much, and she only wished he knew she strived ta love him just as much, 'cause no one ever made her feel dat special before."  
  
Bumlets slid his hand around to the back of her head and brought her close to his chest before she could see the tears in his eyes. "Love you," he mumbled into her hair.  
  
"Love you more," Blaze whispered.  
  
"Love ya most," he replied and hugged her tight.  
  
~~~~  
  
"Ya think dey're gonna be mad at me?" Blaze asked quietly. She hadn't realized how long she had stayed, and now darkness was blanketing the city. "I guess I better get back before I get in serious trouble," she frowned.  
  
"Bums, da doctor says da baby is doin' fine. And yes, I'm still eatin' like I promised. I can't wait ta bring da baby here wid me. I know it's still months away, but I can't help bein' excited. I wanna know if it's a girl or a boy."  
  
Blaze started to pull herself from the ground. "It helps, Bumlets, it really does. Knowin' dat I'm gonna have yer child ta look after makes me wanna live another day. Before, I felt like I lived each day to love you more, and nothin' could make me happier. Now, I'm gonna live each day ta bring up our baby and show it how much we loved each other."  
  
Rubbing her eyes, Blaze smiled sadly. "I'll be back soon."  
  
Quickly she turned around, fretting the journey home. She had never stayed out this late before in this part of town, and Blaze tried not to show how frightened she was as she walked through the streets.  
  
She could distinctly hear the laughter of several intoxicated men near a bar, and the cries of the babies in the small apartments above her. Each sound only supplied her with a reason to walk faster.  
  
Her arms protectively around her belly, Blaze kept her eyes focused on the street in front of her, afraid to turn around. It was different when Jack and Autumn had walked her home that one evening. She wasn't alone then, but now the streets seemed much more unforgiving. Blaze pressed on, aiming to make it home before she was in too much trouble. 


	8. the moon glows, the river flows

The moon glows  
The river flows  
But I die  
Without you  
  
Where is she?!" Autumn exclaimed, exasperated. She paced the floor of the lobby, her hands waving through the air every few moments.  
  
"I dunno about you, but I can't wait any longer," Luna explained. "We gotta go find her."  
  
Autumn turned to Jack, who nodded his head. "Alright, we'll go look. But I'm sure she's on her way home now."  
  
"Just come on," Luna instructed. She pushed open the door, and followed by Spot, Autumn, and Jack, the four made their way towards the cemetery.  
  
~~  
  
Looking up, Blaze was glad she had a bright moon to help illuminate the path in front of her. She could see the better part of town up ahead, and quickened her pace once more, eager to feel safer about her surroundings.  
  
Her mind focused on moving quickly, Blaze didn't notice the heavy footsteps that had started to follow her, until she heard a bottle crash to the ground behind her. She stopped suddenly, the noise catching her off- guard. Her mind yelled at her to move again and to not look back, and Blaze hastily obeyed. It's probably just cause I passed another bar or somethin', she told herself.  
  
Still, she feared the worst and her pace nearly became a jog, thus angering her drunken companions in the background.  
  
"Where ya goin' so fast, dearie?" one called out, his speech slurred from the amount of liquor he had consumed that night.  
  
Refusing to waste her breath answering, Blaze continued walking. The sounds of the footsteps came closer and suddenly one of the men grabbed her arm, whipping her around to face them.  
  
"Now, now, honey. I believe me friend asked you a question," he snickered. "Ain't ya gonna answer him?"  
  
"I-I'm goin' home." Blaze muttered quickly. "Please. I gotta get home." She cringed at the scent of cheap alcohol on their breaths and turned away, praying they would let her go.  
  
"But it's still early out," one spoke up. "I'm sure ya got time for us before ya head home."  
  
Shaking her head vigorously, Blaze tried to back away. "Please, I just wanna go home."  
  
"Oh you'll go home, but not right now."  
  
Her eyes wide, Blaze looked up to see herself surrounded by five men, each with their eyes hungrily set on her lone figure. "N-no," she stuttered. "Please just let me go." Struggling to free herself from one man's grasp on her arm, his grip merely tightened and the five walked her into an alleyway.  
  
Panicking, Blaze opened her mouth to scream, but one assailant clasped his hand over her mouth before she was able to.  
  
"It's not like anyone's gonna care. Yer a street rat. Who's gonna come lookin' for a street rat?" one chuckled, causing the others to laugh along with him.  
  
Unclamping the hand from around her mouth, the man ran a finger down her cheek. "So why not just be a good girl and don't do any unnecessary yelling?"  
  
Shuddering at the man's cold touch, Blaze looked pleadingly into his distant eyes. "Please. I-I got a baby on da way. Please let me go."  
  
"A baby huh? Must be experienced den," he snickered. His hand wandered down her neck, and Blaze felt as if she was about to lose the food she had eaten that day.  
  
"P-please. All I got left is dis baby, please lemme go," she pleaded again.  
  
"We'll let ya go. once we get what we want," he replied simply. He motioned for two men to hold her arms, and started to unbutton her shirt.  
  
"No!" Blaze cried. On instinct, Blaze kicked the man in front of her, her boot impacting sharply with his groin.  
  
"Damn it!" he yelped, doubling over in pain. "Hold her down!"  
  
On his command the other four pushed Blaze down to the ground, each grabbing a limb so she couldn't protect herself any longer.  
  
Walking over to her again, the man knelt down beside her and glared. "Well now things might take a little longer den originally planned," he muttered.  
  
Blaze closed her eyes, holding back the tears. Unable to escape their grasp, it was futile to fight any longer.  
  
"Look at me," the male ordered.  
  
Closing her eyes tighter, Blaze turned her head away from him, afraid to face his cold eyes once more.  
  
Impatient, the man slapped her hard across the cheek and yelled at her to look at him again, which she disobeyed. Before she blacked out after he struck her again, Blaze silently asked Bumlets to forgive her for whatever was about to happen. 


	9. only blue, lonely blue

The world revives  
  
Colors renew  
  
But I know blue  
Only blue  
Lonely blue  
Within me, blue  
Without you  
  
"It never takes her this long ta get back," Autumn frowned. "Ya think she's still sittin' dere?"  
  
Jack shrugged, feeling uneasy about the entire situation. He gripped her hand once they crossed over into the worse part of town, and peered down the street in search of Blaze.  
  
"She probably just decided ta stay longer taday since it didn't rain. We'll find her," Spot assured them.  
  
The four continued down the street, the sounds of a group laughing getting stronger. They passed by an alleyway, only to bump into a group of five men just as they were exiting the alley.  
  
"Watch it," Spot growled, annoyed someone had the audacity to step in his path.  
  
The five merely glared at him momentarily, then laughed and stumbled on their way.  
  
"Thank goodness we don't live over dis way." Autumn shook her head and shuddered, the men's glances leaving her feeling very uneasy.  
  
"Come on, it's gettin' late," Jack stated and motioned for them to keep walking.  
  
"Wait!" Luna cried. She grabbed Spot's hand and yanked him towards the alley, having caught something out of the corner of her eye.  
  
"What is it, Luna." Spot looked down to see Blaze lying in a bloodied heap on the ground.  
  
"Jack! Autumn! Help!" Luna bellowed.  
  
Autumn gripped to Jack's hand as they entered the alley and froze once she saw what Luna and Spot were yelling about.  
  
Luna knelt down by Blaze, brushing her blonde curls away from her face. "Blaze! Blaze can ya hear me? Blaze!" Frantically she turned to Spot. "She ain't answerin' me! Gawd Spot help her!"  
  
"We gotta get her to a doctor, now. Jack, gimme a hand here," Spot called.  
  
Jack knelt down, placing his arms gently around Blaze before he picked her up. "She's still bleedin' pretty bad."  
  
"Dere's gotta be a doc close by. Let's go," Spot stated, doing his best to keep calm.  
  
The group briskly left the alley, asking everyone they came across where the nearest doctor was. 


	10. the ear hears, the pulse beats

Without you  
The hand gropes  
The ear hears  
The pulse beats  
  
"What are we gonna tell her?" Luna gasped. Along with Autumn, Spot, and Jack, they stood around Blaze's bed in the sickroom, hoping she'd wake up, and at the same time wishing she'd rest a little longer, so they didn't have to break the news to her.  
  
"We tell her da truth, what else can we do?" Spot asked. "She needs to know."  
  
"It's goin' ta break her." Autumn whispered.  
  
~~~~  
  
"How ya feelin', Bums?" Blaze asked, brushing the hair from his face.  
  
"I've been better," he answered honestly, giving her a small smile. His face had lost most of its color now, and he was skinnier than ever. Coughs ripped through his body constantly, though he still managed to smile.  
  
"Me too," Blaze added. "Dis kid, it's makin' me throw up all da time. Must be yers," she teased and climbed into bed beside him.  
  
"At least it's keepin' ya busy," he whispered and pulled her close.  
  
Though Blaze tried hard not to talk about what was happening to him, today she found herself unable to keep completely quiet. "Bumlets. I-I don't wanna lose you."  
  
"I ain't goin' anywhere just yet," he replied and stroked through her hair.  
  
"But. I just. promise me you'll stay around awhile?" She slipped her arm around his stomach and looked up into his eyes.  
  
"I promise. Now, what say ya rest wid me for a bit, okay?" he asked, yearning to change the subject.  
  
"Okay." Blaze pulled up the covers and settled against him. "I love you," she mumbled before closing her eyes.  
  
"I love ya too."  
  
~~~~  
  
"Where.what." Blaze groaned. She tried to open her eyes, but felt as if they were being heavily weighed down, and gave up trying to see through the blackness.  
  
"Luna! Luna she's awake!" Autumn cried and rushed back to Blaze's bedside.  
  
Autumn reached for Blaze's hand, gripping to it gently. "Blaze! Oh gawd we thought you'd never wake up!"  
  
Wincing, Autumn's voice sounded like it had been magnified ten times and she was shouting directly into her ear. "Auty. Auty is dat you?"  
  
"Yeah, it's me! I can't believe yer awake!" Turning towards the door, Autumn yelled for Luna again. "Luna, damn it, come on! Bring some more water!"  
  
"N-not so loud." Blaze mumbled. She turned her head, this time managing to open an eye and gasped in pain. Her head was pounding, every muscle in her body ached, and she tried to lift an arm, only to find that she didn't have the strength to move. The room was spinning, and when it finally stopped, Blaze realized where she was.  
  
"Sorry," Autumn frowned. "It's just. ya've been out for days. We didn't know when ya'd wake up," she explained.  
  
"Days?" Blaze mumbled, confused. "W-why am I in here? H-he died in here. in dis bed. why am I in here?"  
  
Autumn squeezed her hand. "Blaze we had ta let ya sleep in here. I know it's hard, but we had no choice. Da goils were too loud in da other room, and dis one is warmer. We found ya two days ago, lyin' in a heap in an alley. Ya. ya remember dat night?" She held Blaze's hand in both of hers, wondering how much Blaze could recall.  
  
Blaze tried to move but her muscles scolded her immediately and she gasped in pain. She didn't want to be in this bed, but what choice did she have? "Da night. da night dose men. dey. I was walkin' back. dey stopped me. wouldn't let me go. I don't remember what happened den." Blaze whispered. "What did dey do ta me?"  
  
"Ya was beat up pretty bad," Autumn explained. She knew Blaze wanted to know if they had done more than just beat her up, and Autumn hung her head. "Da doc said dat dey. had deir way wid ya too." She saw Blaze's eyes start to tear and gripped to her hand. "Luna, she managed ta see you when we went lookin', and we took ya to a doc. We just made it, too. Doc said ya lost a lot of blood, and at foist he wasn't sure ya was gonna be alright."  
  
Just then Luna appeared in the doorway with a glass of water, and rushed towards the bed. "Blaze! Yer really awake!"  
  
Wincing again, Blaze opened her mouth to ask Luna to be quieter, but Autumn beat her to it.  
  
"Shh, she can hear ya just fine." Autumn gave Luna a concerned look. Blaze hadn't asked about her baby yet, and she didn't know if she could bring it up.  
  
Catching Autumn's eyes, Luna sat down gently on the bed and took Blaze's other hand. "How do ya feel?"  
  
"Horrendous." Blaze sighed. She wanted to run her hand over her belly, to tell the child things would be okay now, but as Autumn held one hand, and Luna the other, Blaze couldn't move. "What did da doc say? Is da baby alright?"  
  
Luna and Autumn exchanged worried glances and sighed, neither wanting to explain what had happened.  
  
Finally, Luna spoke up. "When we took ya to da doc, we told him ya was pregnant, 'cause he was wonderin' why so much blood was comin' out of ya."  
  
"What?" Blaze interrupted.  
  
Luna squeezed Blaze's hand and sighed again. "Blaze, dose men hurt yer baby. dey beat ya up so bad dat dey. dey killed it."  
  
"N-no! Yer. yer wrong! Da baby's fine!" Blaze cried in shock.  
  
"He couldn't save it, Blaze. He tried, he really did," Autumn assured her. "But ya was beat so badly, he almost couldn't save you, let alone da baby."  
  
No. It can't be. Blaze fell silent. She felt like she had lost everything, that she'd been abandoned. Bumlets helped her past the loss of her family, and then she had lost him as well, and now his baby. She felt like everything she had ever truly loved had died.  
  
"Blaze. Blaze it's gonna be okay. Yer gonna get through dis, it'll just take time, but we're here for ya. We ain't goin' nowhere," Autumn whispered. "Yer gonna be okay."  
  
"She's right, Blaze," Luna agreed. "Yer just as strong as Bumlets. Ya can get through dis."  
  
But what if I don't want to? Blaze asked silently. She couldn't open her mouth to speak. She started to sob, but the pain her attackers had inflicted on her made it incredibly hard to even cry. Tears running down her face, Blaze closed her eyes, hoping it was all a bad dream.  
  
While Luna and Autumn held her hands, Blaze willed the pain to go away, and finally fell asleep, her body still exhausted from the other night, and her mind not wanting to deal with the loss of her baby. 


	11. the eyes gaze, the legs walk

Without you  
The eyes gaze  
The legs walk  
The lungs breathe  
  
"And how's da patient doin'?" Luna asked.  
  
"Okay," Blaze answered and sighed. "I'm still sore as hell, though."  
  
"Well, da doc said ya just needed lots of rest, and rest is what yer gonna get," Luna stated. She knew the doctor was still weary of Blaze's condition, but she seemed to be improving, and Luna did her best to make Blaze feel as comfortable as possible.  
  
Blaze remembered telling Bumlets the same thing about rest, especially in the last few months of his life. "He. he tried so hard to hold on for me." Blaze sniffled. "Da doc thought he'd be gone by December, but come February, he was still hangin' in dere. He kept tellin' me he didn't plan on missin' me birthday."  
  
"I remember dat birthday of yers. I hadn't seen his face light up like dat in weeks. But one smile from you while ya sat in front of yer few presents, and it was like his life was comin' back ta him," Luna sighed. "You two were so cute tagether. We thought ya'd both be in horrible spirits for dose last months he was alive, but ya proved us wrong."  
  
Blaze nodded. "Even wid knowin' he wasn't gonna live much longer, he still made sure we had fun. I don't know how he did it. Never have I known someone as strong as him. I guess. maybe I should finally open dat box he left me," she mumbled.  
  
"What box?" Luna asked.  
  
"On me nightstand, dere's a box of his stuff, and inside, dere's a red one. I never opened it."  
  
"I'll be right back," Luna smiled.  
  
~~~~  
  
"Hey Bums, whatcha want me ta bring back from Tibby's for ya?" Blaze asked and kissed his hand.  
  
"You?" he smiled.  
  
Giggling, Blaze shook her head. "I mean besides me."  
  
"Somethin' light. But no more soup. I can't stand dat stuff any longer," Bumlets grumbled.  
  
"Yes sir." Blaze stood up and bowed in front of him. "Yer wish is me command."  
  
"Good, servant, I expect dinner ta be ready in half an hour," he ordered jokingly, and waved her off as he turned his nose up high in the air.  
  
Keeping her back bent in a bow as she walked towards the door, Blaze nodded. "Anythin' ya wish, me lord." When she reached the door, Blaze stood up and thumbed her nose at him. "I'll bring ya back some runny old soup!" she laughed and darted out of the room.  
  
~~~~  
  
"Dis box?" Luna asked, carting the small cranberry box with her into the sickroom.  
  
Blaze nodded. "Dat's da one."  
  
Luna took a gentle seat on the bed and smiled. "Well I think it's about time ya opened it."  
  
Sighing, Blaze took the box from Luna's hands and cradled it in her own. She looked up at Luna, who gave her a nod, and Blaze carefully opened the top.  
  
Inside she found a small piece of paper, which she slowly unfolded.  
  
My Gabrielle,  
  
I never forgot this day. It was one of the best days of me life, and the day I realized I was in love with you. Remember that store window? I'll never forget the look in your eyes when ya looked inside there. I wish I could see the look in your eyes when ya open this.  
  
Love ya forever,  
Dominic  
  
"What could he have possibly." Blaze mused, unsure at first by what the letter implied. She searched through the shredded newspaper in the small box until her fingers finally reached what he had left her.  
  
Luna watched as Blaze lifted a silver heart pendant from the box. "Oh, Blaze. Dat must have cost a fortune!" she exclaimed.  
  
All Blaze could do was nod. It was the same silver heart she had seen in a store window over two years ago, when she had first come to the lodging house. "How did he. I mean. He couldn't have afforded dis." she shook her head.  
  
"But he did," Jack spoke from the doorway.  
  
Blaze looked up, tears in her eyes. She watched Jack walk towards them and he took a seat in the chair. "Bumlets told me da story," he smiled sadly. " Two years ago he took ya out for a walk around da city, wantin' ta help ya get ta know where things were. Ya stopped in front of a window, and he watched you stare at dat exact piece dat yer holdin' in yer hands now. He remembered how ya said it reminded you of somethin' yer mother was gonna hand down ta you, but dat da price was ridiculous, and dat you'd never be able ta afford somethin' like dat while bein' a Newsie."  
  
"But den, how did he manage to?" she asked, wiping her eyes.  
  
"Bums went back da next day and struck a bargain wid da store owner. He made monthly payments on it and in turn da store owner would hold it for him, for as long as it took. When Bums was too sick ta keep goin' down dere ta make da payments, he asked me to take da money dere for him. I took da last payment da day before he died, and when I brought it to him, he said ta hide it under his bed, cause he wanted you ta have somethin' ta open after he was gone."  
  
"We weren't even datin' den," Blaze whispered.  
  
"But he fell for ya dat exact day," Jack explained. "Even if it took him a few months ta tell ya, we all knew he was in love wid you. We used ta tease him dat we'd tell ya, but he insisted dat one day he'd have da courage, and turns out, he was tellin' da truth."  
  
Sighing, Jack stood up. "Da boys will be lookin' for me. Ya need anythin'?"  
  
Blaze shook her head, still in shock, the tears slipping down her cheeks.  
  
Nodding, Jack smiled at Luna and Blaze, then headed for the door. "Oh, did ya turn over da heart yet?"  
  
Shaking her head, Blaze looked down at the pendant again.  
  
"Da store owner added somethin' for us once he learned Bums was sick. He said we didn't even have ta pay for it what he added," Jack smiled and left the room.  
  
"What'd he add?" Luna asked.  
  
Turning over the heart, Blaze squinted her eyes, noticing an inscription on the back. "It.it has both our names, our real names. Jack must've told him what ta put." She placed the heart in Luna's awaiting hands for her to see.  
  
"Gabrielle and Dominic," she smiled as she read it aloud.  
  
Blaze cast her eyes down at the floor, and as she began to cry softly, Luna leaned over, hugging Blaze tightly. 


	12. the mind churns, the heart yearns

The mind churns  
The heart yearns  
The tears dry  
Without you  
  
"You. don't understand. I-I failed him," Blaze murmured softly.  
  
"Failed who?" Autumn asked.  
  
"Bumlets. I failed him. I did everythin' he told me not ta do," she frowned.  
  
"How can ya say dat? How did you possibly fail him?" Autumn questioned softly.  
  
"I promised him dat I'd be alright after he left, dat I'd smile, and eat, and take good care of our baby."  
  
"Blaze, it wasn't yer fault dat you lost da baby. And you do eat, and smile once in awhile. No one expects ya ta smile all da time like ya used to, not even Bums would expect dat of you," Autumn clarified.  
  
"If I'd only come back earlier. if only. if only I'd run faster, or kicked dem harder. I'd still have our baby," she whispered.  
  
Autumn took her hand. "Don't worry yaself silly wid what-ifs. Ya did da best ya could tryin' ta defend yerself. No one blames ya for what happened, and neither should you."  
  
"I just. can't help it," Blaze sighed.  
  
~~~~  
  
"Stinker," Blaze giggled. "I can see ya tryin' ta hide a yawn." She swung her feet off the bed and began to untie her boots.  
  
"I'm not hidin' a yawn!" Bumlets protested. "You yawned foist, and it just. caught on," he explained simply.  
  
Blaze turned to him and stuck out her tongue. "Sure it did." Rolling her eyes, she smiled at him. "'Sides, it's late. We should be gettin' some sleep anyhow."  
  
"Aw, okay," Bumlets pouted and lay back against the pillows.  
  
"Now close yer eyes," Blaze stated.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"'Cause I'm gonna change and it's not proper for ya ta be gawkin'," Blaze explained.  
  
"But. since when are we 'proper' folk?" Bumlets asked.  
  
Blaze tried hard not to snicker. "Since I said so. Close yer eyes." She started to unbutton her shirt as she awaited his agreement to close his eyes.  
  
"No," Bumlets stated stubbornly, crossing his arms.  
  
Stopping, Blaze turned to face him. "No?"  
  
Bumlets nodded once. "No," he stated again. Now it was his turn to hide a snicker. "It ain't like I haven't seen you before," he pointed out.  
  
Blaze started to say something, but stopped when she saw the look in his eyes. They both knew that Bumlets was getting sicker everyday. Maybe he was finally starting to think that he wouldn't sleep besides her for years to come, and that there was no telling how many more times he'd wake up to see another day.  
  
"But dat's different. Ya wasn't sittin' back and watchin' den," she replied.  
  
"So?"  
  
Blaze shook her head. "Boys gotta be so difficult." She saw a devious smirk cross his lips and sighed. Two could play at this game. Blaze fetched her nightgown from under the pillow and placed it beside her on the bed.  
  
"Have it yer way," Blaze smirked and turned so her back was facing him. She could still be difficult about things, and aimed to do just that.  
  
Blaze slipped her pants off first, then her shirt, all the while making sure all Bumlets could see was her back. Without turning, she reached for her nightgown, only to find it missing from her side. "Hey."  
  
"Hey what?" Bumlets asked innocently.  
  
"Hey dat's me nightgown ya robbed me of. I steal things around here, not you," Blaze responded. "Give it here."  
  
"Come get it," he replied. "It's right over here."  
  
Blaze turned her head to see the nightgown safely stashed on the other side of the bed, far out of her reach. Laughing at his antics, Blaze started sliding towards Bumlets, all the while keeping her back facing him. She held out her hand, hoping he'd be nice enough to hand her the nightgown, which didn't happen.  
  
"It's cold," she whined. "Hand it to me."  
  
"Nope, got a better idea." Bumlets slipped an arm around her waist and gently pulled her down beside him.  
  
Immediately, Blaze pulled her knees towards her chest and curled up against him. It wasn't that she was uneasy lying there in front of him, but with her belly starting to grow, she wasn't so sure he wanted to see her enlarged stomach, even if it had hardly grown at all.  
  
Noticing her behavior, Bumlets stroked her back. "Blaze?"  
  
"Mm?" she mumbled.  
  
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. ya know. Here, ya want yer nightgown now?"  
  
Blaze tilted her head up to look into his eyes. "Why are ya sorry?"  
  
Blushing, Bumlets searched for the right words. "'Cause I. kinda, made ya well." he stuttered. "I stole yer nightgown and all. ya know, made ya uneasy. I didn't mean to."  
  
Shaking her head, Blaze lifted her head from his chest. "You did no such thing. I just, figured ya wouldn't wanna see me now, what wid da baby growin' and everythin'." Resting her head back against his chest, Blaze sighed. "I mean, I must look pretty bad dese days."  
  
"Nonsense!" Bumlets nearly exclaimed. "Blaze, look at me." Once she had finally raised her head, Bumlets took a deep breath. "Blaze, I love you. Dat don't just change all da sudden cause of a baby growin' inside ya. Plus I know dat belly of yers has hardly stretched at all yet. But dat don't matter ta me. Yer. well, yer beautiful ta me. Ya know dat right?"  
  
Blaze wasn't sure how to reply. "I know. I just thought. it was silly. Ya mean, it don't matter if it looks like dere's a balloon in me belly?"  
  
Bumlets chuckled a little. "No, it doesn't matter ta me. Not one bit." He started to blush again, knowing he should have annunciated his intentions before he stole her nightgown in the first place. "I just. wanted to see you. Ya know, see dat figure I fell in love wid while watchin' ya run off wid me hat."  
  
Blushing, Blaze giggled and slid up to rest her head against the pillow next to him. Uncoiling herself, she took his hands and led them to her belly. "So, dis really doesn't matter?"  
  
"It does matter. 'Cause it makes ya even more breathtakin'," he smiled. "Dat's our baby in dere."  
  
Relaxing under his touch, Blaze smiled back at him.  
  
"Blaze, will you promise me somethin'?" Bumlets asked while his fingers grazed over the bare skin of her belly.  
  
"A coise. Anythin'," Blaze answered.  
  
"Promise me you'll take good care of dis baby. Dat, whatever happens, you put yerself and dis baby foist. I want ya ta be happy, and I want our baby ta grow up with a great mom, and I know ya can be dat."  
  
Looking up into his eyes, Blaze nodded. "I promise, Bumlets."  
  
~~~~  
  
"You get some sleep, Blaze. You didn't fail no one. Remember dat, alright?" Autumn insisted.  
  
"I." Blaze gave up and nodded her head.  
  
"Ya stood by him when he was at his worst, and he loved ya for dat. Ya never failed him, not once." Autumn affixed the damp cloth on Blaze's forehead and smiled. "Now just try and rest for me, okay? Dat cloth should help ya get some well-deserved rest."  
  
Yawning, Autumn stood from the bed. "And I think I'm gonna turn in too. See ya in da mornin'. You and me gotta start plannin' da weddin' tomorrow," she smiled dreamily. "And yer gonna be well enough ta go to me weddin', ya hear?"  
  
Blaze nodded, smiling slightly. "Okay."  
  
"Night," Autumn smiled.  
  
"Night," Blaze mumbled. 


	13. life goes on, but I'm gone

Life goes on  
But I'm gone  
  
Cause I die  
  
Unable to sleep, Blaze tossed lightly in her bed. Her body still ached, and now she felt an incredibly high fever festering within.  
  
Opening her eyes, Blaze tried to focus on something in the dark room and failed. I deserve dis - all dis pain, she thought sadly. She hadn't really informed anyone of how much agony she was still in, regarding it as something she would just have to deal with on her own.  
  
"I'm sorry, Bumlets," Blaze whispered into the dark, tears forming in her eyes. "I'm sorry I broke my promise. I'm sorry I lost yer baby."  
  
Shutting her eyes tightly, Blaze gasped as her body continued to inform her of how much pain she was in and she softly cried herself to sleep.  
  
~~~~  
  
"Blaze. just hold me hand. It's okay," Bumlets mumbled. His sickness had advanced to the stage where the doctor forbade Blaze to lie in bed with him any longer. He wasn't at all pleased that she had spent so much time with Bumlets in the first place, but as the end of Bumlets' life was nearing, the doctor had informed her of the high risk she imposed on herself by being so near.  
  
"Bumlets," Blaze whispered, gripping to his hand. "Bumlets yer gonna be just fine, ya hear? Just fine. It's just a bad day. Tomorrow you'll be better." She desperately wanted to hold him now, not just his hand, but even Bumlets wouldn't let her crawl into that bed.  
  
"Yeah, yer right," he smiled slightly. Turning his head, Bumlets looked into her eyes. "Blaze, I love you. I love you and our baby. You should be restin' in yer bed, not stuck sittin' by me."  
  
"I ain't goin' nowhere. You. you just get some rest, and tomorrow things will be fine. I'm gonna sit right here," she stated. "I'm not lettin' dis hand of yers go."  
  
Knowing there was no way to change her stubborn mind, Bumlets squeezed her hand. "Okay. I love you," he repeated.  
  
"I love you too," Blaze whispered and watched him close his eyes.  
  
Though she was exhausted, Blaze struggled to keep her eyes open, watching for his chest to rise and fall. She knew in her heart it was unlikely for him to make it through this night, but she had to hold on to the belief that he would awake tomorrow, and they'd have another day together.  
  
Hours later, Blaze finally gave in to her body's wish of sleep. Leaning over, Blaze kissed Bumlets' forehead before letting her head rest upon the mattress.  
  
"Love you, she whispered. "Yer my everythin'." She kept the tight grip on his hand and her eyes finally shut, leaving her with the last image she would have of Bumlets alive.  
  
~~~~  
  
Jack stood protectively in front of the door, his eyes downcast.  
  
"Jack, why ya standin' dere like dat?" Autumn asked, her arms full with a bowl of soup and a glass of water for Blaze.  
  
Looking up, at first Jack didn't know what to say. "Auty. Blaze, she's, she's."  
  
"Probably incredibly hungry and if ya don't let me through she's gonna whine," Autumn interrupted.  
  
Jack took the bowl and glass from her hands, placing them on the bench. Holding her arms, Jack shook his head, then pulled her into a hug. "Autumn, she's gone."  
  
The words taking a moment to register, Autumn stepped back, shaking her head in disbelief. "Gone? Like, for a walk? She's not well enough for dat yet, stop jokin' around. I gotta get her fed before."  
  
"No, Autumn, she's gone. I went in dere ta check on her, and she wouldn't wake up. s-she's gone."  
  
"How could dat be! She was gettin' better!" Autumn protested.  
  
Jack hugged her tightly again, stroking through her hair as she cried against his chest. "We did eveythin' we could, Autumn, everythin'."  
  
"But. we promised Bumlets we'd help her," she mumbled into his chest. "Why couldn't we at least get her through dis?"  
  
"When Bumlets died, a part of her died along wid him, ya could see it missin' in her eyes. Her only hope was his baby, but when it died, maybe. maybe it was just too much dat not even we could help her den. Her heart wasn't in stayin' alive anymore, it was wid Bumlets and da baby she lost."  
  
Feeling her knees go weak, Autumn pulled Jack towards the bench, and curled up in his arms. "She said she failed Bumlets. I told her she was wrong, dat it wasn't her fault." she whispered.  
  
Jack kissed the top of her head. "And ya was right, but maybe Blaze couldn't see past da pain anymore, no matter what anyone told her. We did all we could for her, and she told us how thankful she was dat we was dere for her. Whatever pain she was carryin' around, she won't have dat no more. She won't suffer like she was."  
  
Sighing, Autumn snuggled closer to Jack, her mind reeling with thoughts of Blaze and Bumlets, to thoughts of her relationship with Jack, and their upcoming marriage. "Jack. I love you," she mumbled into his chest.  
  
Squeezing her body closer to him, Jack leaned his chin atop her head. "I love you too."  
  
Without you  
  
Without you  
  
Without you  
  
Without you 


End file.
